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December 09 WarningThe N word is all over this song (which was written by John Lennon), but what a brave, beautiful song.
I just love me some Ben Lee.
November 26 uYou have a big heart and small ears.
If you listened more, we would get along a lot better.
I'm just sayin'. November 03 Sooo...Just wondering why there's a meat thermometer in the drawer of my bedside table............?
Maybe I've been cooking in my sleep? October 27 Hoping history doesn't rePEEtI have to go for my annual physical this week.
I sure hope I don't spill my urine sample on my pants like I did last year.
*fingers x'd* This Might Explain Why We're TogetherRob and I are having a conversation about what color scarf he should buy my mom, when he says "Guess what Helen Keller's favorite color was"
"What color?", I ask.
"Corduroy" he replies.
*silence*
He continues "You know, because it's bumpy like braille".
Sweet Fancy Moses, we're two of a kind! October 23 Well, that wasn't weird...More proof that my brain doesn’t work like anyone else’s brain:
Co-Worker: Hey! How about Smashing Pumpkins, eh?
Me: Yeah, I have some eggs rotting at home.
Co-Worker: *puzzled look*
---Awkward pause---
Co-Worker: Seriously?
Me: Totally. You have to get them a few weeks in advance and let them rot.
---Awkward pause---
Me: You know, so you can throw them at stuff on Halloween.
Co-Worker: Um, yeah…..I was talking about the band Smashing Pumpkins.
Zoinks! October 15 might as well ask for a unicorn for christmas...I'd like some sort of indication that things will be okay.
I've never been good at the whole faith thing, and I barely trust myself let alone whatever else is out there.
Gah. October 13 What didn't you do today?I just received the following email from Anti P, and it made me laugh;
Things I didn’t do today:
The first 2 I’m really proud of, the others are just icing on the cake. Here's what I didn't do today: 1. Go to the movies. 2. Open the mail. 3. Eat an apple. 4. Drive my car. I'm not particularly proud of any of that stuff. So, what didn't YOU do today?
September 28 Rivalling Chuck, are we? Oprah is so powerful that when she farts, people get better." – Craig Ferguson, illustrating the influence of the media mogul to Denis Leary, on The Late Late Show September 21 SoulshineBy Warren Haynes
When you can't find the light That guides you through a cloudy day When the stars ain't shining bright And it feels like you've lost your way When those candle light of home Burn so very far away Well you got to let your soul shine Just like my daddy used to say Chorus He used to say the soulshine It's better than sunshine It's better than moonshine Damn sure better than rain Hey now people don't mind We all get this way sometimes Got to let your soul shine Shine 'til the break of day I grew up thinkin' that i had it made Gonna make it on my own Life can take the strongest man And make him feel so alone Now and then i feel a cold wind Blowin' through my aching bones I think back to what my daddy said He said, boy, in the darkness before the dawn [chorus] Sometimes a man can feel this emptiness Like a woman has robbed him of his very soul A woman too, god knows, she can feel like this But hey, when your world seems cold You got to let your spirit take control September 12 Sister=blue me=greenWhats going on gangsta?
a) I can’t believe I’m at work on at Friday. That’s ten kinds of wrong. b) I hate the weather
That is all.
"that is all"
and just who the f*ck do you think you are?
I don’t “think” about who I am, let’s get that straight right off the hop.
You need to smarten the hell up.
whats with starting off all attitude?
It’s just because I’m so much awesomer than everyone else. William Shatner has the same problem.
William Shatner and you have one thing in common - you are both a s s holes!
TaDa!
Um, no. the one thing we have in common is that we have both been captains of intergalactic space vessels. Duh.
Theres point arguing with you becuz you are an a s s hole!!
Eff it. September 09 How to Un-Friend SomeoneSeveral years ago, someone who was newly hired at the company I worked for at the time befriended me, pretty much against my will.
Right from the start, I found this person to be over-cheery, too perky, and generally annoying. I don't say this to be mean; the fact is that this person tries too hard. I have no idea who she really is, because she's always trying to be who you want her to be.
Anyway, while we worked together, we got along just fine. A close knit group of co-workers, we spent a lot of time together outside of the office. We had a lot of good times together, as a group.
Then, this person was let go from the company. We kept in touch, initially because her dismissal was such a shock, and just kind of kept it up. Shortly afterward, she became pregnant, and we kept in touch thru that, too.
As time went on, and we had less in common in our day to day lives, our contact with each other became sporadic, as is to be expected. Truth be told, I dreaded her calling me--she'd talk forEVER about people I don't know, things I knew nothing about, and things I didn't really care about (like the time her high school best friend's sister's fiance cheated on her...her being someone I had never met, nor heard of before this conversation). But I'd talk to her, about once a month or so, and listen to her jabber away.
It's tricky, this business of being "friends". Really, our "friendship" was based on nothing more than the fact that we worked at the same company for a period of time. I have no idea why she even liked me, as I showed no particular interest in her and tolerated her at best. Once I realized this, I stopped taking her calls. Maybe that was cowardly--I probably should have been up front and just told her that I didn't want to talk to her any more (which is the truth)...and while I'm sure that's the mature way to handle things, it seems harsh.
So how do you do it? How do you unfriend someone? I literally haven't taken or returned her calls in a year, and she calls every.single.week. Every week. She never leaves a message, never emails or messages me on Facebook, yet she feels compelled to call my number every week.
She's tenacious. I'll give her that. August 31 HikeI went on a hike today. Not a leisurely stroll, not even a brisk walk, a hike. Like, up hills and shit.
A couple of months ago I noticed a hiking trail just outside of town, and I've been meaning to explore it all summer. Today I finally did.
Hiking was a regular activity in my early childhood. Either my Dad or my Pops, or sometimes both of them, would take my sister and I out once or twice a month. We'd hike the Bruce Trail near Hockley Valley, or the hills just outside our town. Dad or Pops would point out various flora and fauna, everyone would have their own walking stick, and a good time was had by all.
Imagine my surprise when I found myself being a little paranoid on the trail today. It wasn't the hiking I was nervous about, or the fact that I wasn't familiar with the trail (after all, I could see town from where I was, so I wasn't worried about getting lost), and I was fine while I was in the cleared areas...but once I got into the woods, that's when I got a bit uncomfortable.
Too many Blair Witch flashbacks, I guess.
The hike was pleasant enough at first, walking on a slight incline, enjoying the scenery and the multitude of grasshoppers (sweet jaysis, some of them were soooo big I'm sure they had skeletons) almost flying into my face every step or so, I thought "Ah! This is good."
Then I rounded a bend and realized the slight incline was now a very sharp incline. And here I was without my mountain climbing gear, or fellow climbers to eat should something terrible befall all of us.
I made it up the steep hill just fine, marvelling at the prettiness of it all, the seclusion...then I was faced with how to get down the hill. Shiat, if I thought going up was steep, I had a lot to learn about steep.
As I was mostly sliding down the hill (on my feet, not my ass, thankfully), I remembered that when I hiked with Pops, I always had a walking stick, and situations like this were exactly why one should have one with them while hiking. I settled for grabbing trees on my way down.
Halfway down the hill, faced with an even steeper decline, I decided I'd rather not risk life and limb, and that going back up the hill was the best way to handle this particular situation.
Once I reached the top, stopping to catch my breath, I heard a series of sticks break.
And then I remembered a story that was in the local news earlier this summer, about two black bears being spotted in the area. Pretty much the area I was currently in kind of area. Funny how the mind works, innit? I'd rather face the Blair Witch than a black bear.
The sticks breaking was nothing, of course (or at least nothing that I could see), so I carried on.
The rest of the hike was enjoyable and uneventful, except for once I thought I heard a monkey hooting (improbably, yes, but not impossible. Right?), but it turned out to be a child. A family was entering the trail as I was making my way towards the end of it.
That's my story, and I lived to tell it. I wasn't confronted by black bears, or deranged mountain men, or even a monkey.
It's all kind of boring, now that I think about it.
August 17 EeekGenerally speaking, I don't condone killing stuff. I had a pet spider at work for weeks (her name was Lenora...she was a quiet and gentle soul) until some fraidy cat killed her. She was literally this *big, legs and all, so I don't see what the big deal was.
So anyway, I don't dig killing stuff. Except....
...there was a mouse residing in my domicile. I tried to coexist peacefully, cleaned up it's turds (seriously, on the counter? Disgusting), made sure my cupboards were crumb free lest that encourage the wee pest...I didn't even mind so much when it nibbled on the nectarines in the fruit bowl (taking just a few delicate bites out of each of the four nectarines...)
...but the night the little beggar was rustling around under my bookcase while I was trying to sleep, and then the next morning I discovered it had chewed thru my phone line? That was too much.
Mickey had to die.
And he did, the very next day.
Let that be a lesson to any other mouses thinking of staying chez Tuckle.
(please gawd, let there not be any more!) August 12 To My One Faithful ReaderSo, Deb was complaining that I never blog any more. And I can’t think of anything blog worthy at the moment and I just had a piece of ice cream cake and I may or may not be hyper.
Here’s a list of what’s in my purse at the moment, because it’s totally random:
The Usual Suspects: Wallet Cell phone Blackberry Keys Nail file Gum Pen
Then it gets to be a bit much: iPod Digital camera Bottle of Advil
And then it just gets crazy: Stick of deodorant Makeup bag Small bottle of perfume (apparently I fear the stank)
But the craziest thing of all in my purse at the moment? A jumbo bag of chocolate chips. I bought them at lunch and didn’t want them to melt in the car, so I brought them in.
Best of all, my purse is on the small side. Awesome! March 02 Help a thug outSista:I'm still trying to work out all the deets..I'm not quite sure how to go about tricking her into making us a surprise meatloaf dinner..any suggestions? Me:You’re the mastermind behind all this stuff, not me. I don’t have a devious bone in my body. Or any bones, for that matter. Sista: Seriously, I wish you would waste less time thinking up bull sh*t things to say, and more time just trying to help a thug out.
February 24 JB, guest bloggerJB (my dad), is in Bangkok right now. He emailed this morning:
So, I'm walking on some small side streets looking for a highly regarded restaursant called "Cabbages and Condoms" (I swear that is the name) - when all of a sudden I am surrounded by about a dozen.................... baby elephants!!!!! I shit you not. And.... I did not have my camera! Seems I stumbled on the staging area for something or other, couldn't figure out just what tho. I was knocked about quite a bit - it was an alley, not a street - and was fending off elephants left and right, and lo and behold MAMA comes around the corner! Swear again.... I about died where I stood Must have been at least 30 feet tall and weighed in at 150,000 pounds. I had to hug the wall to get out of the way. All this with no alcohol - its election time here and they don't serve booze for a day before, during, and after. I got rubbed up pretty good and still smell like an elephant. Here I am, sweaty, smelling like the worlds largest pachyderm, happy as hell, but with no photographic evidence. And so it goes. January 15 what the block?I have a jar of pickles here, that I bought from Sobey's. They're the storebrand, Our Compliments. They're good pickles. I've had them for a few weeks.
Last night was the first time I noticed "Made in India" on the label of the jar. Are you effing kidding me? It's cheaper to make pickles in INDIA than it is to make them in North America?!
This.....this just might be the end of the world as we know it. January 09 Only in dreamsRob informed me this morning that he broke up with me last night, in his dream. Seems I informed him that I was carrying my step-brother's baby, and that was a "deal breaker"....
I'll say it was a deal breaker! My step-brother is gay.
When I pointed that out to Rob, he said "So what, he still has a penis!!".
I don't know if for sure he does (isn't it a prerequisite or something?), but it's hard to argue with the logic. December 23 Christmas can be weirdWeirdest gift I've received so far this Christmas:
A single towel and a single facecloth. How random.
Most horrifying moment so far this Christmas:
Me, trying to find the button to push to make a musical cushion (I know, that alone is scary enough) play, and my Pops, not knowing why I'm groping the cushion says "What, is that turning you on?"
Oy.
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