Melany's profileTucklePhotosBlogListsMore  |  Tools Help |
|
April 29 Freeeeeeeeee TicketsI'm going to see this today:
I have fourth row ringside seats. I hope one of the acrobats doesn't land on me----if one does, I will not be responsible for what may or may not happen. April 25 The unsavory possibilities are endlessFrom:Tuckle To:Sista
There are three guys from our North Carolina office here this week. Tonight everyone is going to Shoeless Joe's to socialize with them.
You'll need to be on standby in case I get drunk and need a ride.
From:Sista To:Tuckle
Sure thing! Are you going? I doubt it.
From:Tuckle To: Sista
Yes, I'm going. As I said, I need you to be on 911 standby in the accidental case that I unsuspectingly find myself in an inebriated state.
From:Sista To:Tuckle
Okay..but FYI: the chopper and the jet are in the shop (thanks to Lonnie), so be fully prepared to wait about an hour...
From: Tuckle To: Sista
An HOUR? Any manner of things could happen in an HOUR. I could be arrested AGAIN, which isn't going to be good for anyone. I could unwittingly participate in an illegal real estate scam. I could be invited to a Tupperware party. The unsavory possibilities are endless. Should anything happen, I will hold you personally responsible.
From: Sista To: Tuckle
The most likely thing to happen is you will end up in the slammer again..And quite frankly, I would drive TEN hours to see your stupid drunken face behind bars (for the 15th time). The sad thing is, I bet you end up in the slammer becuz you thought you would start an illegal real estate scam by intruding on some poor gay guys tupperware party.... There is no hope for you. I feel sorry for the customers you will be drinking with...you'll probably take them into the hoosegow with you
In case you forgotOne thing you should always remember is that nothing is a foregone conclusion. You can't be certain about something until it actually happens.
It is probably best if you remain cautiously optimistic. April 22 PffftYesterday was my step-mom's 50th birthday party. I took two photos (with my own camera. My dad got a new camera, so I hijacked it) and they both featured these jokers:
Rip offGreeting cards are a giant rip off. I had to buy a 'sympathy' card today.
It cost $7......for a folded piece of cardstock with some words on it.
Obviously I'm the dummy, I bought the stupid thing. April 17 Whet your appetiteFrom: Tuckle
To: Sista There are a bunch of black birds on the lawn out front. I wish I had a gun. ****************************************************************************** From:Sista To: Tuckle
If you happen to catch a couple of those black birds, bring 'em over, we'll
have a cook off!! It will make great footage for the cooking show. *******************************************************************************
From: Tuckle
To: Sista I'm glad you brought that up, I've been meaning to ask you about an idea I have: What do you think about cooking raccoon on the cooking show? Now, I'm not saying we'd branch out into a regular road kill segment just yet, but I thought it'd be interesting to feature an 'unusual' main course....perhaps raccoon and rice, or coon and corn. Those are just some preliminary suggestions, I'm sure with some thought we'll be able to come up with some ambitious, nutritious and delicious entrees featuring the masked meat. Let me know your thoughts. ******************************************************************************
From: Sista
To: Tuckle I think an entire segment dedicated to the art of cooking coon is a great idea. It will get ppl in touch with their inner hillbilly. I say we start slow. Maybe tell a few white lies....(ie) in the Yukon, Coon paw is a serious delicacy (sh*t, for all I know, that may be true)....we will show the ppl how to cook up that coon paw, serve it on a bed of rice, toss some cilantro on top and voila!! You have a gourmet entrée. I think we really have something here. A few more brainstorming sessions and we will find ourselves being featured as Chefs of the year in Oprahs' 'O' magazine. ******************************************************************************* From: Tuckle
To: Sista That's a fantabulous idea--start telling people some colloquialisms, churn out some palatable hillbilly dishes, and we'll start (another) trend! Okay, I guess the first order of business will be to procure some raccoons. You don't by chance have any living in your yard, do you? *******************************************************************************************
From: Sista
To: Tuckle
This is going to be HUGE, huge I tell ya! I have about 5 coon families currently living in various places around my yard. I think that should at the very least get us started. Eventually we might have to break into the Elmvale Zoo and steal some of their coons, but we will deal with that when the time comes. Plus, if we do that, we can branch out into more exotic animals. ********************************************************************************** From: Tuckle To: Sista Okay okay okay, I am soooo glad you mentioned the Elmvale Zoo! For a long time it has been a dream of mine to make Llama Lasagna. I was too afraid to tell you before because I was afraid you would think it was weird. First things first though, beginning with the raccoons. I'm envisioning a Raccoon Ragout with a side of risotto.....mmmm, I can practically taste it already! I have a serious question: which do you serve with coon, white or red wine? Actually maybe you just have a Olde Milwaukee in a can..... ...One thing I can never imagine eating is horse. April 13 Another one of *these* thingsGimme a break, I've been home all day feeling unwell. This was a good distraction from the misery.
30 secrets about yourself
1. Is that your natural hair colour? Mostly
2. where was your default pic taken? In the boudoir. 3. What's your middle name? Jemima (I wish!) 4. Your current relationship status? Happily in a relationship. 5. Honestly, does your crush like you back? Um, ya. That's why we're happy. 6. What is your current mood? Physically, not so great. 7. what colour underwear are you wearing? Pink. 8.what makes you happy? Raindrops on roses and warm woolen mittens...wait, where have I heard that before? 9. Are you musically inclined? Couldn't carry a tune in a bucket, but that doesn't stop me from singin a little ditty once in awhile. 10. If you could go back in time, and change something what would it be? GWB being elected twice. 11. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day- what would you be? What do you mean, 'if you MUST'? Who wouldn't WANT to be an animal for a day. I'd be a archaeopteryx. Or a sperm whale. Or a giraffe. 12. Ever had a near death experience? No, unless you count every day (seeing as we're closer to death each day. What a cheery thought!) 13. Something you do a lot? Swear. 14. What's the name of the song stuck in your head right now? "Be Mine" by David Gray 15. Who did you copy and paste this from? Deborah 16. Name someone with the same b-day as you? my sister's childhood friend's sister. 17. When was the last time you cried? Last month, I think. Maybe before that. 18. Have you ever sang in front of a large audience? In pubic school, as part of a (mandatory) choir. 19. If you could have one super power what would it be? Shit, this is a tough one. Either to be able to fly or to be invisible. I think I'll choose flying. 20. What do you notice first off in a guy? Eyes 21. What do you usually order from Starbucks? Starbucks is evil. Plus, I don't drink coffee. 22. Whats your biggest secret? That I want to be a flying giraffe. Or an invisible sperm whale. 23. What's your favorite color? Sky blue 24. When was the last time you lied? Maybe yesterday? It was a small fib, not really a lie. 25. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows? I liked Finding Nemo. If the Flintstones are on, I'll watch them. 26. Do you have braces? Like Forest Gump? No. 27. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be? Well, I can't fly, so I'd like to change that. 28. What are you eating or drinking? Water 30. What's your favorite smell? The air after a summer rain. You can't rollerskate in a buffalo herd.Here I am. Bet you thought you got rid of me, huh? Well don't count your chickens before you fry 'em, or whatever that colloquialism is. Looky here, I can spell 'colloquialism'!
Lemme see, what's new? I've been selected for the Nobel Peace Prize again. I know, I can't believe it either. Recently I won the lottery for the fourth time (only second time over $57 million, tho). I'm my usual jetsetting, trendsetting self, only better than the last time you heard from me. I can play Skip-Bo like nobody's bidness and I'm mastering yet another language. I am proficient with nunchucks and I make an awesome sweet pickle. The kind folks at TIME Magazine were going to put me on the cover this week, but then that whole Imus thing blew up. Attention whore.
In other news, I went on what should have been an overnight business trip this week, and it stretched into three days. I kind of felt like Gilligan, heading out for a three hour tour and getting stranded with the Skipper...only the Professor was nowhere to be found. I was with three guys that I work with, one of them being J-Bot (who I will never sit next to on a plane again, ever). The destination was Green Bay, Wisconsin--but we had to fly into Milwuakee and drive to GB, then drive back to Milwaukee to catch a flight home. Our meeting in GB went well, we looked around Lambeau Field (where the Green Bay Packers play. I know, I care deeply too), then headed back to Milwuakee...only a snowstorm hit, so what should have been a pleasant two hour drive turned into a suckass ride from hell. It didn't help that the person driving (one of the owners of the company I work for) drove like a one eyed spastic glaucoma patient who had recently suffered a stroke and lost the use of his right arm and left foot. I'm not normally a nervous passenger...but I pretty much expected to die on the Interstate that day. Rob was kind enough to keep an eye on our flight and send messages via Blackberry whether it was cancelled or not...and of course, it was cancelled. Great, and exciting night in Milwaukee! Praise Jebus, I had packed extra gitch and some extra clothes...except socks, dammitall. Scrambled to find a hotel, which of course everone else in General Miller Airport was doing, a $50 dollar cab ride to the only hotel around with two available rooms, Rob driving the 2.5 hrs from Chicago to my hotel, 5 vodka and cranberries later, and I finally relaxed. And got pretty drunk. With people I work with. And yes, I ran my mouth---I know! I'm just as shocked as you are, believe me.
Anyway, we caught the first flight home yesterday morning. I wasn't hungover, thank gawd. Having our flight cancelled sucked, but it was totally awesome that I got to see Rob.
Tuckle, out!
April 07 A rant about holidaysWhen choosing a career, I think people should be encouraged to think about how much vacation time said career will allow. Teachers have the best vacation time going, but they have to put up with other people's kids for 9 months out of the year. I'm not sure it's worth it. Government employees have a pretty sweet deal. Bankers have an excessive amount of time off, if you ask me (seriously Jimmy, don't you guys get Ground Hog Day off?) plus they have really sweet hours. Nurses, doctors and chefs have really sucky hours, so I would discourage anyone against those avenues of employ (unless, of course, I need medical attention or someone to cook for me).
The industry I'm in (no, not streetwalking) sucks for time off. Our offices are closed on Labor Day, Christmas Day and New Year's Day. That's it. It sucks balls, let me tell you.
Ugh, and now I've run out of steam on the subject because it sucks so bad.
Maybe teaching isn't such a bad idea....think of all the little minds I could warp...er, shape. April 05 10 Things
April 04 Like the JetsonsI wish I had one of those machines the Jetsons had, the one where it tips you out of bed, puts you on a conveyor belt, showers you, does your hair/makeup, dresses you, and spits you out the other side before you've ever really waken up. Then it feeds you a pill for breakfast, and off you go, ready to start the day.
The way I'm doing things just feels like work. Who wants to work as soon as they get up? Or ever?
April 03 Knowing/Not KnowingI'm trying really hard not to be nearsighted, to be smart about everything.
Does anyone ever really know if they're doing the right thing? |
|
|
